fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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