Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
