Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
