The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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