you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
