whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
