Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
