all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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