I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
