You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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