Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
