That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
