My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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