soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
