Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
