i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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