Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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