Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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