I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
