Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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