he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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