I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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