maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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