Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
