I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
