Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
