Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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