I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
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I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
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You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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