nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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