guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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