I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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