Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
