no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
