and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
