I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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