my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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