just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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