sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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