Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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