she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
