god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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