Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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