Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
