What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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