I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
