PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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