batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize