You're my little dorito
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
