I seem to have left my pride at pride
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
