she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Pooping to opera.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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