Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
