When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
