I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How does one acquire holy water?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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