Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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