better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
