There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
