Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
