We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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