You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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