Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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