found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
