she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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