well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
