I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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