is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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