College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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