I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
