He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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