I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
