I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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