Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
