Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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