he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
