Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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