CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
