RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is my gift to your gina
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
