my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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