I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
