Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
