the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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