can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
