Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
