Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
