My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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