i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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